So now that I’m knee deep into wedding planning, i have a better understanding of why a lot of chicks dream about their wedding day from they’re conceived.  Its your day… its your day to shine… those words never really made much sense to me until a few days ago.  Chicks obsess over weddings because its our one day to live like a fucking rock star!!  Live like those celebrities we gawk at in the tabloids and on tv - looking fabulous in an red carpet oscar worthy dress, hair, makeup and nails all did up, and the lights, cameras, and all eyes on noone else but YOU!!! (oh,.. and your man). 

But as I become more and more obsessed, I’m also starting to become more and more depressed.  I’ve haven’t been to a handful of weddings, all very different, but with one major similarity – the brides always look nothing short of drop dead fucking AMAZING.  One of my best friends got married about 2 years ago, and because I was a bridesmaid, I watched her get ready.  She’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known.  Even still, when she walked out with her dress on and bouquet in her hands, my jaw dropped so hardcore it literally dug a 6 foot hole into the ground.  I have chills right now thinking about it.  And to this day, I’ll never forget the reaction on her husband’s face when he saw her for the first time (not during the actual ceremony, but for the pictures beforehand).  My eyes well up with ears every single damn time I think about it. 

Oh, then there’s my other friend who just got married last month.  My experience in seeing her was a bit different because now I myself am engaged.  Gosh, she was stunning.  She’s also one of the prettiest chicks I know , but man… MAN OH MAN!!  I don’t even know what to say, but I’m sure you get the point.  During her entire wedding, when I wasn’t dancing like a drunken maniac, all I could do was think “damn, I’ll never look that good on my day”.  Or any day for that matter!  you know, come to think of it, all of my girl friends are GORG.  My mom – who’s so sweet and supportive but always brutally honest - actually said that she’s worried all of the guests at our wedding will be too busy staring at how pretty all of my bridesmaids are to look at me. 

A couple of weeks ago, when my man got home from work he reported to me what he saw today on his favorite website (see entry below) as per usual.  That day he read a blog about some chick who really really really wanted to do her hair and makeup so that she’ll look like carrie underwood on her wedding day.  she posted a number of pictures to show her readers the look and style she was striving for, and my man says, “I scrolled all the way down thinking yeah sure, why not – until I saw her picture at the end!!!  DAMN!!!”  (that just made my man sound like a shallow jerk, but he’s actually the total opposite, and regardless, that’s not the point of the story so stay with me here!)  anyway, normally I laugh at that sort of thing (because unlike my man, I am a shallow jerk), but that day I didn’t even so much as crack a wack smile.  I guess maybe because no less than a few days before that, I had printed out about 20 pictures of Jessica alba hoping that I might look like her on my wedding day.  And no, I won’t be posting any pictures (although if I did maybe people would actually read my blogs). 

So I decided instead to focus on something that I can make look good… and now I’m totally obsessing over decorations.  One of my guilty pleasures is watching the tv show Platinum Weddings.  It showcases weddings that are completely over the top and as they always say “have spared no expense”.  My man HATES this show with the deepest burning passion.  I mean, I hate it too, but its so interesting (and extremely annoying) how people choose to style their weddings when money is not a barrier.  Are all rich people tacky and unoriginal??  I suppose I shouldn’t really judge… especially considering how brizzzzzoke my man and I are.  But also because I can’t seem to come up with anything creative or stylish for our wedding décor and I’m not even taking into account cost at this point.  I’m inspired by a lot of beautiful things that I see on wedding websites (particularly my friend’s – blog.mika78.com), but none of them seem to represent my man and I as a couple.  I know that weddings don’t have to have a theme, but its important to me that on our wedding day, my man and I showcase to our loved ones who we are as a couple in every little detail, from the food and music to the color scheme and favors.  After all, its our day to shine, isn’t it?

wow, i would like to say to myself - welcome back!

it has been quite a long ass time since i've written an entry on xanga.  acutally, it took me about 10 mins just to figure out where the button for making a new entry is.  judging by my last entry, its been a lot longer than i thought.  so much has changed since then.  the last time i wrote an entry, i was a crass, self-deprecating chick who couldn't get a man to save her soul.  and this was such commong knowledge to everyone that it was practically a fact of life.  you could bet your life on it.  it's like saying a lemon is sour.  doesn't mean that its bad, just means that thats what it is - its sour.  that's what my guy friend was saying.  i'm not a hot chick, therefore i don't go to a bar where hot chicks go.  i just go to bars where my guy friends who like to wear jeans and kicks and get drunk and sweaty and bang on tables like to go. 

well you know what?!  this not so hot chick is now engaged beeeeee-yotch!  hell yeah!  I GOT A MAN so what yo' no jeans and kicks kinda man gotta do with me!

i have to say though, being engaged sucks.  not only am i not a hot chick, i'm a i don't like to be engaged and plan my wedding type of chick too.  the idea of being forever with my mayn, well thats pretty damn cool.  i mean, sometimes i'm like, oh geez, is THAT what its going to be like forever???  and ever???  but other than those few moments, i'm mostly pretty excited.  we have a lot of fun together - just not when we're planning our damn wedding.  just to give you an idea of the type of chick that i am (if you still weren't quite so sure yet) and the type of dude my mayn is:  i've been on weddingbee.com ONCE and that was only because i was feeling doubtful about the venue i was about to sign with and wanted to see what kind of rep it had with all the brides out there, but couldn't find anyone who had gotten married at that venue.  the only bit of information i was able to find was on weddingbee.com - some bride-to-be was talking about how she was regretful about signing with that venue.  so i registered just so i could get her opinion.  my mayn, on the other hand, is on weddingbee.com EVERYDAY.  you know how some people just say logged into facebook or xanga or gmail all day (or obesessively log in and out like every other minute to see what new updates there are?) - that is precisely my mayn on weddingbee.  i guess i can't complain.  its like having a sentinel to do my recon for me, except most of the cool ideas that he sees on weddingbee we simply cannot do because i'm either too lazy, or we're just too damn poor.  but he did say something really sweet yesterday. 

he said,
"hunny... you don't have to feel like you're all alone in being stressed out about the wedding."

so i said,
"oh really?  why?  what are you stressed about?"

he replied,
"oh, not me.  i mean the bee community.  a lot of other brides out there are stressed out too."

and then he proceeded to tell me about how some chick was stressed out about how she thought her fiance was cheating on her and her wedding was only 3 months away.  you know what then?  woman, you need to git yo'self a new mayn!  i didn't say that (although i was thinking it).  i just told my mayn, that i still think i have it worse.

anyway, i called in sick from work today because its raining and because i really need to study for a test that i have on monday, but haven't done jack yet so its time for me to sign off.  plus, i don't really have much else to say about wedding planning.  oh wait, i do!  IT SUCKS!  just kidding.  actually, i need a quick bit of advice.  since all of my bridesmaids are wearing different style dresses (although same fabric and same shade of color), i'm thinking about getting them all the same shoes to wear.  i guess i just don't know if they'll like them, because the shoes are totally my taste (fuscia and orange snake skin strappy heels beyotch!).  what do you think, should i get them the shoes?  please do not comment on the shoe style because honestly, i like them and could care less what you think.  i only want to know if it would be okay to get them all shoes.

alright, i'm going for real now.
have a nice weekend!